Time goes so fast. Another year has passed without my mother. It has not been easy time and on the other hand it has been time, what has gone well anyway. I know that it is hard for me, but I believe also that it is relief for her since she does not have to fight with the diabetes and it's complications anymore. So my sense says one thing but my heart says another.
11 years is a long time. I feel like she has missed quite much from our lives and we have missed to be part of her life. She has missed her grandchildren, our weddings, our good and happy times, but also our sad times.
So much people I meet and have met, when I also meet quite much unacknowledged about diabetes. So many persons think, that everything is fine from the day you start to take insulin, but it is not so. It is much more complicated and still, we do not hear much talk about diabetes as we hear about cancer, heart deceases and so much more. It is not right, but it is my opinion. Diabetes is also very serious sickness. Hopefully there comes the day, when we start to hear also more about that.
Different from the last year is also, that this year my mother is not anymore alone. She is together with my grandmother and grandfather. We buried her ashes from one graveyard to another, so that my brother would have easier to visit her grave but also that others could do it. Before was it mostly me or my brother, who visited her grave, but now can even my uncles and others visit her grave, when they are already visiting my grandparents. Must say that this feels very good. Now, we do not have to think anymore about this that she is alone.
For me, today I visited a memorial place and lighted a candle to my mother. It feels good that here is that possibility. My brother told that he will go and light a candle to mothers grave as well. Thoughts have been here and there, but it is okay to have little mixed feelings. I just hope that she has good there she is and does not have to fight with anymore with any sicknesses. I miss her and will always do it, but I am also happy that I have my brother and I still have place to go, when I visit Estonia and would like to spend time with my family. I am happy that I have them in my life still. Many says that it will be easier with time. I can say that it is wrong. It is not, but we understand much more with time what has passed, but it does never be easier. Or I am just an wrong person. Who knows. Anyway, I love my friends and family who have still been after that here for me.
Have a nice evening!
Love,
Ingrit
